Let the Stars Pull Me Into Sleep
by nomcupcakenom
Summary: Komaeda thinks to himself. One-sided Komahina/Komaeda x Hinata. Lots of angst, not for people who are easily upset.


Komaeda lied down in his cottage bed thinking to himself.

He was thinking about _him _again.

The boy he loved with his dear heart.

The boy he would do anything for.

The boy who's name is Hajime Hinata.

He sat down on the bed, not really wanting to sleep right now. But still..._"Would he really_ _hate me if he knew I loved him that much...?" _Komaeda thought to himself.

Most likely, Hinata would probably hate him or merely shrug him off if he knew about his feelings. Hinata probably only liked him as a friend, and it would probably stay that way. But Komaeda had different feelings for him. More than friendship. The feeling you get when you look into that person's eyes and you get this sudden jolt in your heart. The feeling you get when you hear that person's voice and you suddenly feel comfort, as if you were being protected from something. Oh, what Komaeda would give to run his fingers through Hinata's beautifully dark brunette hair. What he would give to have Hinata hold him gently as he cried to him when he was ever sad, or lonely. What he would give to hear Hinata's soft and lovely voice say the words "I love you" to him. But he himself knew that those things would never happen. If he ever gathered up the courage to tell his feelings to him, Hinata would probably be disgusted. _"Weare both boys after all..." _He thought. The moment he thought those words to himself, they seemed to endlessly echo in his mind, making any other thing he could think about drift away, as if some sort of wind had softly carried them off somewhere. At that same moment when he thought about those same words, it hit him that he suddenly felt disgusting, as if he was doing something horrible because of the way he felt...He looked down at his feet and immediately snapped back to reality, scanning his cottage quickly before looking at his feet again. If anything, he still had a sliver of hope that Hinata may feel the same way.

_Hope. _

The one word that Komaeda had probably said more than any other word in his life. The word that he had crammed into his mind to the point that it put him on the brink of insanity. That hope quickly drifted away when his own inner thoughts and inner feelings got to him again.

The thought hit him that Hinata could be, or probably is dating someone else.

That thought cut into his heart deeply, seeming as if it would pierce it for all of eternity.

The sheer thought of Hinata running his fingers through Chiaki Nanami or Ibuki Mioda's hair made him feel as if he was dying inside. He felt tears run down his pale face as he imagined Hinata kissing someone else, not even having a single thought of him in his mind, only fixated on the target of his emotions, as if he didn't even care about Komaeda or his feelings.

Such terrible things.

So much _despair._

_Despair, _the only word he never wanted to hear. The only word that he truly felt was haunting his emotions and stalking him, making himself drown in sadness and slowly drift away from reality from the moment he was born. Despair was the only thing he could think of when the thought crossed his mind that Hinata hated him. Tears streamed down his face like a waterfall as he thought of that word. He looked at his hands for a short moment and then covered his now extremely pale looking face with them, tears wetting and staining his dark-green jacket. He felt like was endlessly falling into a pit of nothingness right now, as if he truly had nothing left to live for. "_This is my punishment, isn't it?"_ He thought as he drifted away into his own sadness. It seemed as if his emotions _were _indeed punishing him for something he had said, or done. But what did he do to get punished? Even he didn't know at this point. All he knew right now is that he loved Hinata, and it hurt him that he could barely even speak to him anymore after finding out about his own emotions. _"I am useless, aren't I? Absolute garbage." _He thought to himself. He was so useless that he could barely even say a word to the object of his affections anymore. So useless that he let his thoughts and emotions get to him to the point that they made him want to die. He removed his hands from his now tear-stained face and looked at his shirt, as well as his jacket, as they were tear-stained as well. Why _was_ he letting his emotions get to him so much? He himself didn't know, only his his own mind and his own emotions knew, for they are the ones who make him drown in his own despair. He slowly wiped the tears from his face and lied down on his bed. He turned his head to the side, making his head face the window that was now sitting in front of him. It was dark outside, the blueish-blackish sky only being illuminated by the moon, as well as the stars who looked as if they were staring at him, comforting him. They reminded him of Hinata, so bright and so beautiful they were.  
He thought of Hinata, laying next to him, holding him as he himself drifted off into a deep slumber. The bright moon, stars and his own imagination were probably the only things that could make him fall asleep at this moment. He smiled as he gave one last glance to the window that was in front of him before he closed his eyes and drifted off into a deep slumber.


End file.
